New Year, New You!

What do New Years Resolutions mean? How to focus on Goals all year long.

Recently, in the last several years, I decided that New Years Resolutions were NOT for me. In fact, instead I would just not even set a Resolution. I gave them up for good. Maybe not having a New Years Resolution was exactly my New Years Resolution. And shockingly, I’ve stuck to it.

Let’s be honest with each other, shall we. Could I set a Resolution? Well, of course I could. Would I stick to it? Well, of course I would. Well, except if I’m writing this in March of the year I set the resolution, then I would need to come clean and tell you, I absolutely did not stick to my resolution.

Why? Well, that’s somewhat tricky to answer, isn't it?

I try. You try. I’m a good person, honest and I try at life. You’re also a good person, honest and you try at life. But when it comes to resolutions, neither you, nor I can stick to them.

Here’s the problem with resolutions, they are an end of the year FAD. And we all know what happens with fads - like Bell Bottoms, Mood Rings and the Grunge years (you’d have to have grown up in the ‘90’s or you may need to Google!) Fads inevitably fade away. All of them. Including resolutions. The reason is simple, at the end of the year you probably take time off from work to spend quality time with your loved ones, even in a pandemic you’re spending every leisure hour with your kids and husband - no work or school for those you love either. Which cultivates a moment in time when you are able to reflect - yes, you can reflect while tobogganing or tying up skates or making hot chocolate. Your reflecting moments allow you to clearly see where you feel you might do better next time around - or next year. In your moments of clarity you say to yourself - “I will lose 10 lbs” or “I will take up jogging” or “I will visit my sister more often”. Then of course you will take a moment to realize it’s at the end of the year, you needed a resolution and “bam” just like that you pair your fleeting thought with the fad of a New Years Resolution. Like most resolution makers you probably don’t make time to actually plan out how your resolution is going to happen, but you had the thought and based on the Fad Rules of NY Resolutions you’ve done it.

Remember the situation that you created these NY Resolutions in? You were off on a much needed R&R from your hectic work life. Your kids were angelic tiny humans who allowed you to put every waking moment into making their lives perfection (really, so kind of them!). Then two weeks later, what happens? You are back at work. Working from home counts as well, obviously it’s only 2021. You are back to your busy ways, no time for lunch, virtual school demands, and it’s freezing outside. Your plans for lose 10 lbs when there is no time for lunch have already failed you. Your plans for being the best parent you could ever be (because your kids are such angels!) are over because you are also navigating virtual school. And you can’t possibly go for a run because it’s 10° below zero outside! So Boom! It’s Jan 4th and you’ve stopped believing in the magic of the season and you’re a complete failure because you’ve already broken all the NY Resolutions you had planned to keep.

Well, cheer up there Resolution Maker! There is still time. You’ve got this!

First. Repeat after me: “I do not believe in New Years Resolutions.” Repeat it again and again until you believe it. It’s ok. You don’t have to believe in them. What you do need to do is make sure that you believe in yourself. If you believe in Resolutions, you fail to recognize you are a human with (well some of you have this problem) tiny humans nipping at your heels, partners, jobs, LAUNDRY, friendships and family that you need to be involved in and with. That adding to your plate 3-5 new Resolutions at a time when you’re just getting back into some sort of routine, is INHUMANE! And since you are a human you need to feel success and you will not feel success if by Jan 4th you have failed at keeping your resolutions. So let’s do us all a solid and drop the resolution act and pick up the “I love myself” flag and wave it around vigorously until it’s believed in the cockles of your heart. You’ll build up belief in yourself by doing the following:

1. Writing out a list of things to do during your day when you first wake up

2. Cross off each item on your list as you complete them

3. Reference the list throughout the day to keep yourself on track

4. Reward yourself for getting through your day with 5-10 mins of relaxation time, reserved just for you. It could be herbal tea, a shower/bath, glass of wine, phone call with a good friend, read your book, etc. Whatever it is, it needs to be for you, decided by you, and thought of as a reward.

5. Repeat this 5 days in a row and keep all of your lists for those 5 days

6. On the 6th day, review all the things that you did

7. Celebrate even harder that day and share your wins with the world! You won the week and it wasn’t even a NY Resolution! Way to go!

Second. Take 1 hour. Decide on 3 major goals that you would like to accomplish in the next 6 months to a year. Really think them through and use the following guide as you write them out:

Are they SMART Goals?

1. Specific - is your goal specific in that you could identify that it is a goal? Is your goal

stated it in a very defined manner?

1. Measurable - is your goal something that you can see progress with? If you took out some sort of measuring device - number of pages, further distance, smaller size, bigger shape, etc would it change in some way if you worked on it?

2. Achievable - is your goal specific to you? Are you invested in this goal? Does it meet the expectations that you have for your life? Is it way too far fetched that you couldn’t get there if you tried, but if you started with this other goal you might be able to attain this future goal at some point?

3. Realistic - are you capable of doing this? If you are planning to mount Kilamonjaro is this a good goal for you based on your fitness level? You want to build yourself up here, so smaller, more realistic goals are going to get you some place - too much too soon makes you feel like you can’t. We don’t have time for can’t when we are loving ourselves and believing in ourselves so much. Remember too that goals can change, just because you picked this in January and don’t think it still fits you later in the year, you can change it. You’re in charge.

4. Time-Bound - set a specific time-frame to complete this goal. “In the next three months I will…” is easier to identify with than “Over the next 25 years I plan to reduce my debt” although a great goa,l it might be worth getting a little closer to 3-6 months than 25 years.

Third. When your goals are written out, ensure that you post them some place in clear view. Share them with those who are closest to you - your family and close friends so they can help cheer you on along the way! You can do hard things. You really can. Sometimes hard things need encouragement. And that’s why you are socially connected to others in the world. They can act as your cheer leaders. It’s ok to let them in on your secrets for life. Hey, you might even inspire them to be better at themselves too.

Fourth. Most likely the most crucial part of this entire plan - you need to make room for these goals in your life. You need to ensure that you actually put them into motion by breaking them down into tinier and tinier parts so that you can actually put them into your calendar/schedule/phone reminders daily of things that you need to do. Goals just don’t happen. Resolutions turned Goals don’t just happen either. You need to put work into them. You need to focus on what is important in your life, set parameters and ensure that you put effort into them each and every day. Progress isn’t perfect. Progress is taking tiny steps towards a bigger goal. You can do this. I promise you can.

If you follow these steps you are bound to make significant progress in your life, feel accomplished and make your 2022 New Years Resolution to believe that Resolutions are Fads and that in order to make real changes in your life you will need to set Goals. Although Goals aren’t for the weak of heart, I believe that goal setting is like any skill it takes practice to get it just so. This means you might have to readjust your goals as you move through the year. But the one thing you need to ensure you do this year is believe in yourself. If you feel yourself waning from that belief, go back to the first step here. Celebrate the little wins. You deserve that.

Happy New Year! 2021 is going to rock! Be well.

xo

If you want to learn about steps you can take to be more mindful this year, check out my blogpost called "3 Massive Mindfulness Shifts".

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